he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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