He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
