there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
