doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
