While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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