"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
