went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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