there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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