I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
