I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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