I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
