somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
