last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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