just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
