I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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