The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
