last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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