Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
