well I can't set my house on fire every night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
