Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
