Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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