He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
