He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is wine microwaveable?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
