the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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