oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
