at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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