I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
