Say something about gay babies.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
