Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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