Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
