i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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