i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
