I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
