Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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