White coat. Heels.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
