i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
