Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
