I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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