you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
