I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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