Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
