i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
