So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
