Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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