Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
