My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
organizing the empties. That sober.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
