Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
