Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
