I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
