Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
