is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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