I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
