the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
