you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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