ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
