i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
