There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
