I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
