the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
