so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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