I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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