i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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