ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
