Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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