Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
