so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
