Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
