so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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